Mirissa (2)

OK, we've found two things we won't try again. The first is: don't pop in the local Roti Shop (shack) for a quick roti at lunch time. There were only half a dozen tourists sitting around but we should have noticed that no-one was eating. For the next hour we noticed they'd get their plates slowly one. at. a. time. What we also failed to notice was the local standing around. He left finally with a bag full of wrapped food, as did the other local guys we spotted. After half an hour we knew we were on a loser but we wanted to see what a "roti" was. Should have just Googled it. Turns out it's a form of local unleavened bread wrap in which you can stuff anything from chocolate to spicy onions (I wouldn't recommend both at the same time but who knows). After an hour the chef drops two small plates of said rotis on our table. Very nice but hardly worth the effort. What we should have done is turn up at the glass cabinet out the front and buy one already made and chomp it on the street.

The second thing to avoid: Happy Hours! Further down the beach is a collection of competing beach hotels with tables stretching out to the high tide mark. They all advertise happy hour drinks from 5 'til 9. The sun sets around 6 so, naturally, that is the time we choose to start the afternoon festivities. Except the staff (at the Barracuda, yes I'm naming and shaming you!) aren't a bit interested. You see, this also the time they change the drinking and snacking tables on the sand to evening restaurant tables and each servitor has the job of placing ONE item on each of the 30-odd tables: one ash tray, one box for the napkins (then the napkins), one table number wooden block (not in any order so god knows how that works in practice), one transparent box for the candle (then the candle), one salt and pepper still (thankfully all at the same time), one . . . well, you get the idea. Takes up a lot of waiters. Everybody busy except obeying the Prime Directive: serving the bloody customer! When the guy dishing out the menus got to us we said urgently, "One beer and one margarita, please!" He tapped the menu and replied with emphasis, "Happy hour!", and walked away never to be seen again. I must tap "happy hour" into Google Translate to see what it really means in this country.

Of course, the other problem is once this ritual has been observed, all the staff are on duty out the front next to the overflowing fresh fish cabinet shouting at the beach bunnies who have to walk by. It's a familiar pattern; sell the perishables as a priority, otherwise get the punters to sit down. After that, ignore them. So far, so Lanzarote or Turkey, or anywhere else in the world really. (Mind you, I can have some sympathy for the staff. I was watching one bikini standing at the fish table pointing and asking questions. When I looked back later she was still pointing at all the fish in turn. A half hour later and the sun having set she was still pointing at the fish. No one else could get a look in. Then she consulted her mobile phone and then pointed a bit more. Her boyfriend turned up and hovered impotently in the background. Another waiter turned up and tried to direct her to an empty table. She was having none of that and started selecting prawns an putting them back. The poor little guy on the receiving end finally got a selection into a basket but the woman followed the basket up the beach, presumably to supervise the chef with the aid of the internet. Finally, they left the bar area but instead of sitting down, they wandered off. We never saw them again. So you gotta have some sympathy for the staff.)

Once we'd got the hang of life on the beach at sunset we set our sights on establishments sans fish cabinets and happy hour billboards. In fact, we found an excellent little place called The Shack on the beach whose waiters ran around like idiots making sure everyone was happy. Not even a service charge on the bill. And for good measure they'd set out speakers that played an eclectic mix of 60's pop, rap, Jimi Hendrix and Pink Floyd. And it was cheaper than the Barracuda's happy hour. Sunset bar established!